


cause I can't fight it anymore

by jinxed_lulu



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 13:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4523220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinxed_lulu/pseuds/jinxed_lulu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[<b>companion to:</b> "<i>this is your heart</i>"]</p>
<p>Rachel's thoughts on being in love, and trying not to, with Noah Puckerman throughout the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cause I can't fight it anymore

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

It hadn’t taken Rachel long to figure out that friends just weren’t worth the heartbreak.

Even as a child, her personality had been… _different_. From the moment Rachel watched Barbra in _Funny Girl_ , that was it for her, no other path than one that led to Broadway. And her daddies happily paid for the many different vocal and dancing lessons to help her achieve the dream.

And while that was wonderful for an ambitious child, it made interacting with her peers at school to put it simply, _hell_. No other child had their life planned nor did they understand what Broadway even was. Plus considering the town of Lima, Ohio, you could be sure it had to have been worse than anywhere else.

However, Rachel Berry did not know let alone understand the meaning of hell on Earth, until her first day at William McKinley High School. She’d been turning from her locker and about to walk to English Lit, singing _No Good Deed_ from _Wicked_ in her head, when the seemingly angry boy Noah Puckerman from Temple stood before her, then dumped his incredibly icy red drink all over her. The hundreds of students in the hallway laughed, giggled and snickered, while a devious smirk stole across Puckerman’s mouth. It was the ultimate humiliation—cold, sticky, and your fellow peers looking on as if you were a circus act.

Rachel Barbra Berry had never hated _anyone_ (taking her daddies words that hate only led to negativity to heart), until that very moment. Because if there ever was one person to hate, it’d be this bully. He only went on to horribly treat the less popular students and maybe the looks filled with loathing and disgust didn’t help reduce the daily slushie facial, but they were so worth it.

The first time Rachel truly regret rejecting Kurt’s offer of friendship, was watching obviously closeted gay kid taking off his expensive jacket before jumping in the dumpster at Puckerman’s and the other brute jock’s will. Even feeling that regretful pang further turning the corner just in time to watch two Cheerios pour a red and blue slushies on his person. Old fear of getting hurt caused Rachel to be harsh with Kurt; though in those two moments she’d found a kindred spirit.

Her dealings with Noah didn’t become very personal until sophomore year when he’d joined the work-in-progress glee club. It seemed strange to Rachel that’d he would ask her out when it was common knowledge how she felt about Finn (not as strongly as most believed) and the looks he sent Quinn. She _did not_ believe him in his answer about them being “two hot Jews”.

Actually dating Noah Puckerman had been quite the experience. There were still times where Rachel was forced to remember that a slushie drink in his hand no longer equaled a cold and colorful shower. Or how to handle his somewhat crude behavior. Truly the most shocking thing of all to Rachel had to have been how Noah often rose the occasion. Like his singing her a song in front of everyone; showing honest emotion and vulnerability after getting slushied for the first time; and that moment of awe when _Puck_ entered the choir room instead of picking football.

Even after breaking up with Noah, she still feels a pang of guilt. His hard sullen expression, clenched jaw and words spat in hurt anger. Part of Rachel knew the truth behind the lie when he claimed to be breaking up with her anyway. But this bully with a fragile heart, one filled with such promise is digging himself deeper and deeper into Rachel’s own heart—between the two of them, Finn is the safer choice. The easier choice. Also, Noah still kept sending those unexplainable looks to Quinn from time to time. Rachel will not be second in the heart of any man she dates, much less to the cold beauty who made her life a nightmare.

Then… Well, all hell broke loose within the glee club with Babygate. It was then that she finally understood the looks and also wished to _hit_ something.

All the drama aside, meeting Jesse St. James had been like taking huge gasping breaths of fresh air. This boy had no history with her or Quinn Fabray. He was so very handsome and they sang wonderfully together. Jesse understood the complete diva part of her personality, fed into her ego, and Rachel’s longtime dream of Broadway was wholly shared. That short time of escape was well worth the funk out and eggs. Not that Rachel would openly admit to anybody, she’d really given a little piece of her heart.

In all the issues with Vocal Adrenaline and Regionals, she somehow lost sight of Noah and his own problems. And once the dust settled that duet of _“Faithfully”_ combined with Finn’s pre-performance “I love you,” had changed things.

He was the easier and safer choice after all.


End file.
